I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
