i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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