My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
