Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
