im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
