woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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