You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Randomize
