a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
one might say we're banned from that church
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
