I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
