Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
