Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize