i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
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