Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
