so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
