omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
