So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
