im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
