Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Why can't burritos get me drunk
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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