I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
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