Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
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