so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
How drunk are you?
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