There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
