he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
