i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Randomize
