Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
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