Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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