I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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