the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
