If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Alive.
So much puke
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I would fuck him just for his dog
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