How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Houston, we have a blender
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Randomize
