When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
