She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
