I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I am spending my child support on dildos
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
