Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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