I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
