if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Houston, we have a squirter
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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