I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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