My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
