I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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