My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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