pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Randomize
