hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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