The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
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