Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
