You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
did you just send me my own nude
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
