Welp...herpes.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Randomize
