Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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