There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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