My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
