this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
