I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize
