I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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