they need to just BURY HIM!
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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