Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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