My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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