I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
