finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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