Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Randomize
