he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
