Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
