wrigley field is MILF paradise
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
