after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize