nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
