I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
