it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
We talked him into tasing himself.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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