i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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