it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Sober January is a disaster.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
