playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
