If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
In America we eat man semen.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
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