my mouth tastes like poor choices
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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