when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Randomize