he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
