Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
