smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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