ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
where does the pee come out of this thing
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Randomize
