The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
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