Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I enjoy the company of your penis
Randomize
