I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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