Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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