bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Randomize
