okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
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