Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
We got so high we made milksteak
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
being pregnant is like rehab
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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