its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
She's the barista slut.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize