Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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